The word is in...

...and in March we are headed to Pope AFB, North Carolina. I was not happy at all when I found out. I'm still not what I would call "happy" about it, but I'm not wanting to cry anymore, so I suppose we're making progress. I'm trying to find the good in it. For one, we will be 2 1/2 hours from Hazen's best friend and his awesome wife--not bad! We will also only be about 300 miles from Washington DC, and 570 from both Disneyworld and NYC. I've always wanted to visit all those places, ESPECIALLY NYC, so I'm kind of excited. We might get to have some adventures. :)

We will be put on the housing waiting list tomorrow, so hopefully they have a house for us by the time we get out there. That would definitely help my stress level.

I don't want to move across country. I don't want to be away from my family. But the fact is that we are a military family and we have to learn to deal with disappointment. Just gotta make the best out of it. .)

Almost my last day!

I'm nervous! I've been here for a year and a half. It's part of my routine now. I've been very anxious to be home with my kiddo the last year and a half, but now that it's almost here, I don't really know what to do. I have all these visions of art projects and trips to the children's museum, but I also know he's not the same little boy that I used to be home with. He's grown up and keeping him entertained is a little more tricky these days.

I am of course still his mommy. I play with him. I know his interests. But I haven't done the day-to-day stuff with him in quite a while. I have the evenings. We spend those eating dinner, taking baths, reading stories, and going to bed. The weekends are full of errands and trips out of town. But there is a big 10-hour chunk that I don't deal with Monday through Friday. It's kind of scary to have that much time looming over me.

I guess the transition will be easy-ish for us, at least initially. The next week is very full. Tonight Hazen goes to Butte, and he'll be back tomorrow afternoon sometime (then I'll come in for my "last day" of work). Tonight, Ian and I are building a ginger bread house. I have no plans yet for the morning, but I assume there will be pancake baking and coloring involved. Saturday we have visitors. Hazen's brother and his wife and their 5-month-old twin girls are coming over. The brother-in-law and sister-in-law are going to head out of town for a gig (BIL plays guitar), and we will spend the evening with the girls. They'll come back and stay at our house and head out Sunday. Sunday or Monday we will take Ian to my dad's where he will stay indefinitely. Hazen and I will pack and reserve a UHaul and storage unit. Christmas Eve we will go back to Dad's house, we'll spend the next couple of days between there and Hazen's moms, then we'll come back to Helena and load up our UHaul on the 27th. The 27th and 28th are moving day, the 29th is cleaning day, and the 30th is final inspection day. The 31st is Hazen's birthday, and somewhere between there and the 4th (my birthday) he will leave for Texas for 2 months. Phew!

I am going to take a Quickbooks class online. I want to do at home bookkeeping, but most opportunities require Quickbooks experience. We used Peachtree at my school, so I'm SOL. We'll also get our orders in the next week or two, and the chaos of figuring out where on earth we're going and how we're going to get there will ensue.

Maybe I'll just keep working...that suddenly seems much less stressful...

Croup

The kiddo has croup. His third "major" illness in his lifetime (he's had two ear infections). I suppose we're doing pretty well as far as that is concerned, but it's still no fun to have a sick kidlet.

He woke up coughing strangely and with a 101.9 temperature on Monday morning. Alternating Tylenol and Motrin brought the fever down to the 99 range, and he was doing better by the evening. He didn't eat anything all day, but was getting enough liquids in the form of juice and water.

Today he woke up coughing horribly again, and Hazen and I both commented that he sounded like a seal. His temperature was up to 101.7 again. I googled "seal cough" and learned that my child probably had croup. A trip to his pediatrician confirmed it. They gave him a single-dose of steroids to open up his airway and he is doing MUCH better already. His doc said that he will likely wake up tonight coughing, but the steroids should keep his air passages mostly open.

The hope is that the fever is gone in the next couple of days. Once that goes and he's acting normally again, he should be past the contagious stage. We need him well by next week--he has to go stay with the grandparents while Hazen and I get the house packed. We need to be out in just over 2 weeks!

My Silly Boy

We've been working a lot with Ian on his sign language. Since Hazen's sister is deaf, we all know a decent amount, and we want Ian to be able to talk to her, too. We started when he was about 6 months old, though I believe he was a little over a year before he did his first sign ("milk"). After that was "all done" and we added little by little from there. He is now VERY interested in learning signs, but he has a hard time with the finger coordination required for a lot of them. Last night he came out and asked for water, so I went ahead and showed him the sign (it's a "W" held up to your mouth). He couldn't do the "W" and I didn't realize how hard he was trying. Suddenly he came up to me and said "Mom, help. Water". I put his hand into a "W" for him, and he was so proud when he could do it. He ran over to Hazen and said "Look!". When we put him in bed, Hazen told him to get under his covers. I always use the word blanket with him, so I told him to pull up his blanket. He gave us a mischievious look and then signed "blanket" at us! It was very sweet and cute, but he was totally being a little smarty pants--he was still sitting on his blanket. ;)

Then, after he was supposed to be sleeping, he came out to the living room and said "Mess" to me. I couldn't figure out what he was talking about. Then he held his hand up to me and he smelled like vomit. I went to his room expecting to see puke all over his bed, but no. There was just a little bit on the floor in front of his closet. Our theory is this: Ian likes to stand in front of the mirror on his closet and do silly things--he will watch himself cry, he will make weird faces, etc. He also likes to put his fingers down his throat (I don't know why...he's three...). Our theory is that he watched himself put his fingers down his throat and made himself throw up a little bit. I couldn't help laughing. I could completely imagine what he had been doing at the time, and I suspect there was a look of shock when he threw up.

Life is never dull with a toddler. ;)

Cooking, Baking, Holidays, and the Waist Line!

I've really been enjoying cooking and baking these last couple of days. On Friday, I went home sick. I ended up feeling better pretty quickly, so cooked up a turkey (we bought one while they were on sale for Thanksgiving, but since we went to relatives I didn't need to cook). I also made my first ever, from scratch, pumpking cheesecake. It came out SOOO yummy and even looked like the picture in the book! I was so proud. A lot of my baking comes out really yummy but it never looks as good as the picture. This item totally did, though. I took a picture of it I was THAT proud. ;)

Yesterday I spent the day cooking. I made some turkey salad that came out really well, then made my second ever batch of homemade spaghetti sauce, then made Turkey Pasta Primavera for dinner. It was good, but it made way too much and was too rich to eat a lot of. I doubt I'll make it again. I'll throw together some lasagna with my spaghetti sauce later this week.

The unfortunate side effect of being in the mood to cook and bake, and also, of course, Thanksgiving, is that I've put on a few pounds. Not a lot, only about 4 1/2, but I was nearing a certain number on the scale that I don't like to see (I was 1/2 pound away!). Thankfully we bought a scale a couple of months ago, so I can keep track of what I'm weighing. It's too easy to let 5 pounds turn to 10, then 15, when you don't really keep track.

So, I have managed to get back down to my preferred weight. It's amazing what not eating two pieces of 500 calorie cheesecake a day will do! I have to be good weight-wise for the next couple of weeks. The more I cook, the more we all eat. Hazen has about 2 more pounds to lose before the Air Force calls, so I need to be careful and stick to healthy, low-calorie, low-fat meals. I've kind of been sabotaging my poor husband!

The waiting game continues!

Hazen heard from his recruiter. His CATM school starts January 5 in Texas. He will be there through early March. The problem is that we don't have a base yet. His recruiter said it was odd that he was signed up for a class without having a duty station assigned. The fun thing is that we have to be at our base about two weeks before he goes to Texas. Since he goes to Texas in early January, and it's early December now...I'm not entirely sure how we're supposed to do that. At this point, it looks like the most notice we're going to get is two weeks!

I just really hope we get Malmstrom. That will make things SO MUCH easier for us!!

I just want to stay home

A lot of the girls on a message board I go to are having a discussion about how to handle school when our three-year-olds start (only a couple of years away!). Since they work full-time, they are having a hard time figuring out how to get the kids to school at 7:30/8:00 and pick them up at 12:30 or 3:30 depending on whether they go to full or half day kindergarten. Others are having issues now with preschool. Since it only runs for a couple of hours a day a couple of times a week, a lot of their kiddos can't go, or they're going to very expensive full-day preschools. And I imagine a lot of kids of two working parents go to kindergarten earlier than they might if they had a stay at home parent. I mean, free kindergarten or expensive daycare...it's tempting.

I'm not worried about any of this. Once Hazen is back in, the most I'll work out of the home is part-time. And I'm seriously looking into taking some more accounting software classes, namely Quickbooks, so I can do accounting from home (I've found several opportunities, but they all want me to be proficient in Quickbooks...we used Peachtree in school, so I know nothing!). I'm not worried about Ian going to preschool, and I'm definitely not hoping that his school will do full-day kindergarten (I personally think that is too much for 4-6 year olds--half day kindergarten was great for me!) and offer before and after school programs.

My personal feeling (this is not meant to offend, it's just how I feel) is that we've started to care too much about status and money. I really don't think it's too much for a parent to be home in the early years of a child's life. They go quickly, and there is time for pursuing careers later when they're in school. I just can't imagine sending my kiddo somewhere else for 9-10 hours a day 5 days a week. I know that I would still be "mommy" but honestly--my child would spend more waking hours with daycare providers than his parents. I guess I don't fully buy that he would be learning my values...how would he really even know them? And that's just the mental aspect--the cost on top of that is crazy! Almost a third of my current take-home income would be going to daycare costs if he was doing that full-time. If we have another baby, it would be well over HALF of my take-home pay. What sense does that even make?

Now that Ian is 3, I feel like going to preschool a couple of days a week for 3 hours at a time would be fun for him. He likes to play with other kids. But beyond that...it makes me nauseas to think about. I guess that's how I've discovered that the full-time thing doesn't work for me. I literally feel sick when I think about my baby being under other people's care for his entire day. And then to have to put a 6-12 week old in there full-time? I feel so blessed to have gotten the time I did with my baby when he was born, and that when I couldn't be there over this last year, his dad could. And now the roles will switch again, and I can't wait. I'm a mom first. Yes, I have an education, one I'm still paying for, but that will always be there. My baby isn't going to stay little forever. He won't ever say his first word, cut his first tooth, or take his first steps again. I don't know how people can survive missing that. I would have been heartbroken if I'd gotten a report at the end of the day "he took three steps today!" and I hadn't been there to see it. Even now, I get phone calls and pictures of the cute things that he does and learns while I'm at work and it tears me up that I'm missing it. I'm his mommy--I'm supposed to be there! And the breastfeeding. I know people manage to do it while working full-time, but I have to say it had to have been much easier for me not working. I could be at his beck and call 24/7. No pumping, no bottles. Just me and my newborn. Easy-peasy. I have VERY strong feelings about breastfeeding, but I don't know if even I could make it work if I was at work 9 hours a day. Pumping sucks!

I guess it's easy for me to say these things, though. I really enjoyed the stay-at-home thing. I love cooking and baking and cleaning and taking my kid on adventures. I love that when my husband comes home, there aren't things that need to be done--it's taken care of. I think I was born a few decades too late. ;)

I don't ever want to go back to full-time work. Literally--ever. Part-time is the most I see myself doing. I want to be the one dropping my kids off and picking them up. I want to volunteer in their classes. And I want to be that annoying mom that is in the bleachers for EVERY SINGLE GAME. I don't want to worry about how I'm going to find and pay people to watch my children because I have somewhere else to be. I just want to be the best mom I can be. And I guess I just don't see how I could do that without being there.

Christmas is Coming!!

I love this time of year. It's not the presents or anything, but I love the decorations, and the trees, and the excitement, and the family, and the cooking...I love it all. :) This Christmas is a bit rougher for us than usual with Hazen being unemployed for over a year and now us waiting for our orders (which means no decorating), but it still feels good. I love it. :)

We had all our Christmas shopping in our trunk. Since we're getting in the negatives at night and our highs are in the single digits during the day, we figured that wasn't a good place to be keeping things. So I snuck out to get them all out of there this morning and then realized I had a problem...no where to hide them. I had planned to put them in our bedroom, but the munchkin had worked his way to our room in the middle of the night. So I boxed them all up and put them in the top of Ian's closet. I feel so sneaky. ;)

New Snack

At Costco, there were Mrs. May's Naturals Trio bars on sample. These are Vegan and Kosher and contain three nuts, three seeds, and three fruits per bar. Hazen said they were delicious (I never take samples--if I'm hungry I get hungrier and I've also noticed our grocery bill increases...I like food!). I am happy with the ingredients list: cashews, almonds, pistachios, strawberries, sesame seeds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, dates, raisins, rice malt, natural flavors (I'm not sure about that...I never know what that means), evaporated cane juice, and sea salt. Other than "natural flavors" I can picture every ingredient in my mind. I like that. Calories are kind of high at 230, with 140 from fat. I assume it's good fat from the nuts and seeds, though, so it's alright.

I've now taken a bite. The texture is different. For some reason I was expecting a granola bar type thing, but seeing as it is gluten, dairy, wheat, and GMO (note to self...look up GMO. What is that??) free, I'm not sure how I expected that. It's basically just a lot of fruits and nuts stuck together--nothing extra. It tastes good, but it's kind of hard. And sweet. It kind of hurts my teeth. I think this is going to take some getting used to. I better learn to love them--they were $15.99 for a box of 20!

(I've continued to eat as I've been typing. I think I like them. It got less hard after the first bite, and the cashews are DELICIOUS (I LOVE cashews). I might be a fan, at least of the strawberry flavor. I still need to try cranberry, blueberry, and tropical. But not today--that would amount to 920 calories and 64 grams of fat! These will definitely be a one a day snack.)

More fun with the cat

Last night, Hazen started Ian's bubble bath while I finished up a game of Mario Kart on the Wii (haven't played it in ages, but I'm suddenly hooked again!). Ian is very good about staying out of the bathroom while his bath is running and waiting for one of us to be ready to put him in. Last night, though, all of a sudden we heard lots of running and laughing coming down the hall. Then Ian started yelling "Bubbles! Bubbles!". Seconds later, the cat came streaking into the living room soaking wet. Apparently our son thought the kitty needed a bath. The cat was not amused, and looked absolutely pathetic sitting there dripping and shaking. Poor thing!

Driving in Helena

I spent 5 years in Las Vegas. I have spent weekends in Los Angeles and Phoenix. I have seen bad drivers. Or so I thought. I think Helena, Montana drivers might be the worst group of drivers I have experienced.

As an example, on my way to work today (it was snowing, too, by the way) I was cruising along at the speed limit with a safe distance between myself and the driver ahead of me. The van behind me was also keeping his distance, which I appreciated. The truck behind the van, however, decided he was in much too big of a hurry to be traveling at the speed limit and sped past the van and myself--and then CUT into the space I had between the car ahead of me causing me to slam on my brakes. So, to all you Helena drivers--that space between me and the next car? It is not there to piss you off, nor is it there for you to squeeze into. It is there so that I don't have to worry about slamming into the car in front of me if he feels the sudden need to stop! And seriously...we were seconds away from the RED LIGHT. So congratulations...you beat me to the red light by a mere two seconds. Way to go.

Also, I drive a stick shift. If I don't slam on my gas the instant the light turns green, do not honk at me. I am shifting. I will go when I'm good and ready. Waiting an extra 2.5 seconds for me to shift is not going to make you late. And if it will, leave a little earlier tomorrow.

Uncontrolled intersections--YIELD to the person on your RIGHT. The person on the RIGHT has the RIGHT OF WAY. Do not just barrel through with no regard to other people approaching the intersection, and also don't stop and sit there all confused when the person on your LEFT does the same thing.

Yield signs--similar to uncontrolled intersections. If you have a Yield sign, Yield. Please don't make me slam on the brakes in fear for my life because you've decided I deserve the Yield instead.

Tailgating--please don't do that to me. You might think that tailgating me and waving your hands around will make me go faster. You would be wrong. I will probably slow down a little. The same goes for you people that weave through traffic (those red light racers). If I catch you doing it in my rear-view mirrow, I will probably maintain speed with the car next to me. I really don't appreciate being pushed around by people who think their time is more valuable than mine.

As a note--when I play my little slow down and line up games, I don't go below the speed limit. I'm not that big of a jerk. ;)

Fun Story...

(Busy blogging day...this must mean I'm procrastinating more than usual!)

So, we have been invited to Hazen's mom's for Thanksgiving. There are going to be A LOT of people there...including Hazen's Aunt Kathy. Who passed away a couple of years ago. Apparently her son has decided to drive from Arizona to Montana with her urn.

There is never a dull moment in Hazen's family. :-)

Hail Plankton

My son is a little bit of a Spongebob nut. He loves it, absolutely loves it. There is an episode where Plankton takes over Bikini Bottom and puts buckets on everyone's heads and makes them his drones. Ian has started taking his bucket that his tubbie cars belong in and putting it on his head. He then walks around the house saying "Hail Plankton. Hail Plankton".

He is very goofy.

Thomas the Cat

I guess I should explain what possessed us to get a kitten. We have been talking about getting Ian a cat for a while, but we always change our minds. However, a couple of weeks ago, we started hearing mice. We couldn't find them, we could just hear them. Then they (it?) started getting braver. It would dart across the kitchen and the living room. One even leaped out of Ian's closet at Hazen (very funny). So one day Hazen said to me "That's it! Don't be surprised if you get home and we have a cat!".

We looked at kitties at the Humane Society--both dogs we've owned since being married were adopted. I feel strongly in adopting animals when possible. Unfortunately, none of the adult cats were good with children under 5. Since we have a 3-year-old and I want to run a daycare, it is very important that we have a cat good with children.

So...we checked the paper and found some "free to a good home" kittens. Thomas was chosen (the most frisky in the litter, we were told) and brought home. The hope is that since he's a kitten, he will grow up with some of the abuse of a toddler (poor thing) and will handle it better when he's older. We also plan to get a dog once we get our orders and get moved on base (I'm a glutton for punishment...toddler, kitten, dog, new business, hopeful pregnancy...I love it) so it's also necessary that the kitty be good with dogs. Again, as a kitten, he'll be more adaptable.

He has adjusted very well to life with the Nobles. We've had him for three days now, and he has made himself right at home. I was really worried because he is only 6 weeks old, the ABSOLUTE youngest that a kitten can be taken from its mother. But he has done great. Very little crying (only for a few seconds at bedtime), he's eating well, he's using his litter box. He is doing a fantastic job.

The worst is that Ian is VERY excited about his new kitty. VEEEERY excited. He picks him up and drags him around and tries to boss him around (ever tried to tell a kitten what to do? Doesn't go so well...). But Thomas has been great. They will play together for awhile, chasing each other around. Thomas will humor him and sit in his lap for a bit. When he's had enough, he hides under the coffee table.

He and Hazen have a special bond. They lie together and Thomas sleeps on Hazen's chest during the day. Hazen said to him last night "Damn you. You're making me like cats".

The funny thing is this whole cat thing started because of the mice. Thomas is barely bigger than the mice and really doesn't understand the mousing thing yet. So we ended up getting some humane traps (they don't kill the mice so we can set them free). Unfortunately, the mouse seems to be too smart for this trap...we haven't caught him yet.

We are happy with our newest family member. We're hopeful for many long, healthy years with Thomas the Cat. :)

Our Newest Addition!

Meet Thomas. Ian named him after Thomas the Train. ;)

We Got (a little) News!

MEPS results will be in next week. After that, recruiter waits for a slot to open up (hopefully Malmstrom). So we will have a base in...3-6 weeks!! Holy crap! I need to get packing!

Things Seem to be Improving

The Prior-Enlisted Waiver went through. So now we pretty much just wait for orders. Hazen is at MEPS today, and unfortunately found out that he is an inch shorter than he thought and therefore has to weigh about 10 pounds less than he thought! He has to be at his "right" weight before he goes to his base, so we will all be upping the healthy foods and exercise over the next few weeks.

Hopefully things are going well...I'm anxiously waiting for news!

And the saga continues...

Hazen's prior-enlisted waiver got kicked back AGAIN. This time because he had one 4 and four 5s on his EPRs. They want to know why he got the 4. The 4 had the best written review on it, so the recruiter is going to write up something good and send it back. Hopefully this is the last time this happens. This is so insanely nerve-wracking. If they're not going to let him back in, I'd really like them to just say so. Don't make us play all these stupid little games for nothing. I hope this works out. This is so scary. :(

Debating About the Future

I am considering opening an In-Home Daycare when Hazen gets back in. I figure it could be the best of both worlds--I can be home with my children and still earn money. I tried to do lots of good activities with Ian when I was home with him before, so now I can just incorporate other kiddos into it. He'd enjoy playing with other kids, too. My biggest concern is how he would feel about "sharing" his mommy. We would definitely have clear rules regarding his things. His bedroom would be off limits to everyone but him and his stuff would be off-limits as well (obviously). There are lots of moms looking for providers on bases (the majority of people living on base have children), so it shouldn't be too difficult to find people. And I love kids and the chaos that comes with them, so I would hope it would be something I would be okay at. The biggest challenge would be getting the licensing, but I would like to think I wouldn't have too much trouble with that. I hope.

Found My Birth Certificate!!

I don't think I mentioned before that my birth certificate was missing. I was born on an Air Force Base in Germany, so getting a replacement isn't nearly as easy as if I had been born in the States. It required a notarized, hand-written request with a lot of information. It had to be sent to Washington D.C. At that point, they would get in contact with Germany and have the information delivered. The process takes 4-8 weeks.

The problem with a 4-8 week process is that Hazen "technically" needs my birth certificate in ONE week. They were going to be able to buy him about another month, but that was it. I spent last weekend tearing apart our bedroom and yesterday tearing apart our closet. Last weekend, I had gotten the thought that *maybe* it would be in my scrapbooking tower. It was the only thing I had to put important things when I moved to Montana since our furniture took over a month to be delivered. It was in a difficult to get to place (showing how much scrapbooking I've done!) and the effort to get it turned out to be too much. So I gave up.

Last night, I suddenly decided maybe the effort wouldn't be too much and I should try (of course, this was hours after I had begun my frantic search). Three drawers down I came across our current lease and some paperwork from when I started my job...and my birth certificate.

Phew! I was going to feel SOOOO badly if I was the reason he was unable to get back in!

Baking Bread

I have talked about baking my own bread for awhile. I wanted to get a bread maker, but am now thinking that using loaf pans in the oven wouldn't be that difficult, at least not to start with.

The bread we get now is the Wheat Montana Multigrain. It's not bad, every ingredient is something I can pronounce AND picture, but still. I think I'd feel pretty good about making my own and you really can't beat the smell of fresh bread.

Of course, I would want to make whole grain which is apparently a little more difficult. I suppose I should have a few store-bought loaves on hand while I practice my technique.

Next week I will make my first batch. We grocery shop on Tuesdays, so I will get all the ingredients then and see what I can do. I hope it turns out well--I'm excited to try it. Maybe I'll even price bread makers at Costco. ;)

The stress never ends!

So, yesterday we went to talk to the recruiter again. Hazen made the call on Wednesday that he would like to go back in so we had to return his paperwork to the recruiter to get the ball rolling. This particular recruiter works Butte and Helena, and so he was in Helena Thursday and didn't give much time to Hazen to fill out the paperwork (he refused to do it until he'd made the decision).

Well, we get to our meeting and find out that he has to have his EPRs (performance evaluations) before he can do MEPS. The problem with that is that he was only ever given 2 of his 5. He had to have all of them. Okay, no big deal, we'll call Nellis and get the records, right? Yeah, no. Nellis has gone electronic. That sounds more convenient right? Again, you would be wrong. They send their electronic files to the National Archives after an Airman separates. Here is how the conversation went between Nellis and the recruiter:

Recruiter: "I need the EPR records for Hazen Noble. Do you hold those?"
Nellis: "We no longer keep those records. We send them to the National Archives. It is the service member's responsibility to print them before they separate."
Recruiter: "Okay, that makes sense. But do you tell them that?"
Nellis: "Well, no..."

So it seems we call the National Archives, they have this stuff electronically, they type a little something into the computer and wa-la! Records. Again, not so. They get over 1.4 MILLION requests from veterans a year for things like DD-214s, medical records, waivers, EPRs, etc, etc. The extreme volume of requests means that it takes FIVE MONTHS OR LONGER for them to get to each request. So we were talking being pushed back 5 months when we were under the impression this should all be taken care of by December or January. December or January is the absolute longest we have--we are going to lose unemployment in December.

At this point, Hazen is completely depressed. I'm ripping apart the house hoping beyond all hope that MAYBE, somewhere, these elusive EPRs are actually in our possession. I'm telling Hazen not to worry, it will be fine. But I don't feel like it will be fine at all.

I go back to work and I spend over an hour looking up ways to get EPRs (I'm a good employee, really!). I finally find something that says if the member hasn't finished the 8 year enlistment (in Hazen's case it's 6 years active, 2 years reserves) then the Reserve Personnel Center in Denver should have them. Since Hazen has a year left in the reserves, he gave them a call. And what do you know, within 20 minutes he had all five emailed to him.

Phew!!!

Here we go...

Hazen will be calling tomorrow to re-enlist in the Air Force. He will be going to MEPS in a week or two, and in 2-3 months we will be at our new base (we're putting in for Florida, California, Hawaii, and Montana...we're aiming for warm with a beach...and home, lol). MEPS is basically just his physical and all that to make sure he is healthy and not doing drugs.

I'm sad it came to this, but relieved that something is working in our favor. Going back into the military isn't optimal, but we have to do what we have to right now. The hope is that he will get his degree and become an officer in a couple of years. That would be an okay trade-off.

Don't know what to do

So, now that Hazen hasn't gotten the job, we are pretty much in panic-mode. We thought one of us should join the Air Force--it's very hard for prior service people to get back in, so we thought maybe I could go in as an officer. They take less than 200 officers that aren't academy, prior enlisted/currently enlisted, or ROTC. So then we thought Hazen could join the guard. But, after talking to a recruiter yesterday, we found out they are actually taking prior enlisted Air Force security forces right now. Hazen doesn't know what to do. He doesn't want to make a hasty decision, and I agree with that. He wants to wait a month to decide. My fear is that if we wait a month, they won't be taking prior enlisted anymore.

I don't know what to do. He would have to go back in as security forces, which he hates, but he'll have his bachelor's degree in 2 years at which point he can (hopefully) go to OTS and be an officer, which would be okay.

My stomach hurts and I just feel like crying right now. I don't know what to do and I don't know if being at work is the best thing for me today. It's only for another 3 1/2 hours...then we're going to talk to the recruiter again and Ian has his post-op appointment. But right now, I feel miserable.

Funny Email

My hubby sent me a funny email detailing the after-nap happenings of our son. I don't imagine most people will find this as hilarious as I do, but I want to remember it in the future, so here it is:

"Step 1: wake up
Step 2: run to dad
Step 3: run away from dad whimpering
Step 4: Hide and poop
Step 5: run back to dad and say "pooped, stinky"
Mission Complete"

Part of what makes me laugh about this the way that Ian says "pooped". It's not the way you or I would say it, he says it "poop-ed" with the last part actually sounding like the name "Ed".

And clearly potty training is going well...:p

And one more thing...

It's 35 degrees and snowing. This is not my week. :p

So, more bad news

Hazen didn't get the job in Bozeman. We don't know why, and they won't tell us without a court order. They said they "hoped it wouldn't deter him from applying again", whatever that means.

So, we're back to phase 1. We'll come up with something, but right now it's very disappointing. He scored third in an interview with Lewis and Clark county, but they're hiring one. So he's on their hiring list for the next 6 months, but if they don't come up with any more funds, it doesn't matter where he is on the list.

The economy SUCKS.

Little scare

We are surrounded in mountains here in Helena. To the west of us, is MacDonald Pass. It used to be an absolutely beautiful mountain pass full of trees. Well, those trees are now brown and dry and dead thanks to the pine bark beatle. The entire area is a fire hazard.

On Friday, a fire broke out only 6 miles from town. Winds on Saturday reached up to 40 mph and the city of Helena was put in a state of emergency. Evacuation plans for the ENTIRE CITY were in place.

By the grace of God, the winds actually helped to STOP the fire, and it didn't come any closer to Helena. As of today, Monday, it is only 15% contained BUT we have several days of 40 degree highs coming with the possibility of snow flurries. It is hoped that the fire will be taken care of soon and will keep away from Helena.

Phew!

Ian Day 2

Ian is having a hard day today. He usually wakes up and comes to find me or Hazen. Today, I just heard him in his room saying "Mom....Mom....". When I got in to check on him he had this horrible look on his face and just said "Help". He couldn't get himself up at all, and when I picked him up under his arms he cried that it hurt. I have to carry him like a newborn with his legs up towards his tummy otherwise his belly pulls and it hurts him. :(

He's lying on the couch watching Spongebob and looking completely depressed. Of course, Hazen has an interview with the detective in Bozeman today, so it's just me here taking care of him. I know we'll be fine, but I feel so guilty right now. I know it had to be done and that it will save him a lot of problems in the future, but I, of course, feel bad that he's hurting so much right now. :(

Ian's Surgery

Ian had his surgery today. We had to be in at 6:45 this morning. I was so much more nervous for his surgery than I was for mine!

The staff at the SurgiCenter is awesome, and he had one of my nurses, so that was nice. We got to go back to a Peds room, where they had a TV and DVD player and a rocking horse while we waited. Then they got us his gown and we got him already. Hazen got to carry him to the OR door, and then they gave him the gas to make him fall asleep before doing his IV and all of that.

He did well, the surgery went fine, and he didn't even cry when he woke up! The nurse said he was an "exceptional child". We just hung out in the kids' room for awhile and wached "Cars" while they made sure he could drink down some apple juice and that his blood pressure and temperature were fine.

We're home now and he is acting remarkably normal. He's definitely less active than usual, but he's already had a popsicle and a piece of pizza, and he even laid down on his belly for a little bit. This is one of those situations that seemed to be harder on mommy than baby. ;)

It's coming...

Winter, I mean. I had to scrape my windows to come to work today. I am so not ready for summer to be over.

We've got a couple of days of highs in the upper 50s-lower 60s, then we're supposed to be back in the upper 70s for a little bit...and then it goes downhill from there.

Summer, you were awesome while you lasted. :(

Creepy Crawlies!!!

Last night, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a large blob walking towards my son. It was a big, brown, fat spider. I freaked out and picked Ian up while Hazen killed it. Okay, one spider, no big deal. We get Ian put to bed and all of a sudden there is SCREAMING like I have never heard coming from his room; my poor child was huddled on his chair screaming bloody murder. There was ANOTHER of those massive spiders crawling around his bedroom floor! Poor baby was traumatized and kept saying "Scary! It's scary!" while Hazen killed that one. Then he kept saying boo-boo, so of course I was freaked out that he had gotten bitten, but it turned out he was talking about the spider's boo-boos. We let him watch us flush the spider, then we cuddled in our bed for a bit, then he flushed the spider one more time for good measure, and went back to sleep in his room. He woke twice with nightmares last night.

So Hazen looked them up online, and they are either hobo spiders (very poisonous) or giant house spiders (yes, that's the actual name, lol. They are not poisonous). Hazen read that hobo spiders do not have spots and he knows at least one of them did, so we're hoping they're the non-poisonous variety. We've lived there for over a year, and I have never seen anything like that. Hazen stepped on one of them a long time ago, but he hadn't seen any since. Two in one night is unnerving!!

Ian's Surgery is Scheduled

Ian will be having his umbilical hernia surgery next Wednesday. I'm not worried about the surgery, it should be quick and easy, I'm just worried about how scared my poor little guy is going to be and how the anesthesia will affect him.

Any spare positive thoughts and prayers would be hugely appreciated. :)

Concerns and Progress

First, my concern. The potty I ordered last week? I think it's in online ordering limbo. I placed the order on Tuesday, the 8th. On the 9th, it was "sent to fulfillment". It has yet to ship. A search of "Petter Potty" now yields the results "not available online" on costco.com. It was "in stock" when I ordered it. I emailed Costco yesterday to try and find out when/if I should expect the potty. Our account hasn't been charged yet, so if it won't be anytime soon, I'd really like to cancel the order and get it somewhere else. I'm really annoyed. I get that things take time, but 8 days to ship something that is "in stock"? Seems a bit unreasonable to me...

As far as progress goes, we found out today that the detective with Bozeman PD is making reference calls. Hopefully the background process will be wrapped up soon and we can have the final word!

Our newest adventures in potty training

We are getting absolutely NO WHERE with potty training. And I mean that very literally--NO WHERE. The child screams if we mention the potty. We can put him in his big boy undies (which he loves) and he will wander the house for hours holding it. As soon as he gets a diaper on, he lets loose. It's a nightmare.

So, yesterday, I ordered him The Peter Potty: http://www.peterpotty.com/. It's a little boy urinal, and has fantastic reviews all over the web. I'm excited for it to arrive, but it will likely be about another week before it gets here. I hope it works...we paid almost 50 bucks for the thing!

Ian's Three Year Appointment

Ian had his three-year appointment today. He is about 35 pounds and about 38.5 inches. I say "about" because he refused to stand up, he was slanted and hunched. The 35 pounds is probably accurate, but I think he's taller than he was showing. He's wearing 5T shirts and 4T bottoms, so I know he's a big boy. ;)

His umbilical hernia hasn't shrunk at all, so we finally went ahead and asked for a referral to a surgeon. We will go talk to Dr. Harper on September 17, and then probably set up his surgery shortly after. I'm really not excited for my little boy to get surgery, but it's not going away on its own, unfortunately. Now is probably the optimal time anyway since he's not in daycare or preschool, and Hazen is home with him full-time. It's a good environment for a little one to have to recover from surgery in. Plus, with our insurance changing, it just seems like this is a good time to do it and ensure that changing insurance won't be an issue.

Other than that, he is healthy and normal. He's developmentally where he should be, talking like he should be, active like he should be. Not as potty-trained as we would like him, but that will happen eventually. :)

Hmm...

All my pics got kind of cropped when I uploaded them...I will have to play with them later. I'm not a great photographer, but I'm not that bad either!

Ian is three!

Okay, I've been meaning to post this one for quite a while. I wanted to include pictures, though, and I just don't have a lot of time to deal with those. Today I got about 40 minutes to myself, so figured I should get something "important" accomplished!!



Ian's birthday was August 9, but we had his party on August 8 in Gibson Park in Great Falls. He chose a Cars theme, so he ended up with a lot of Cars things (and Spongebob, too, of course!). We did it later in the afternoon, around 3, with the hope that he would take a nap first. That didn't work out, so his mood was questionable throughout the party (in one picture, he is on the ground with a bike on top of him...he didn't fall, he threw himself on the ground and pulled the bike down!).










He had a great day and lots of people came to help him celebrate! Of course he got very spoiled, with lots of cars (Cars and Matchbox), coloring books, bedding, train sets...he didn't understand "birthday" before, but I think he is a fan now! He especially enjoyed getting cake.















He learned to climb up slides at his party, and this is a new skill that he enjoys using quite often now.



On his actual birthday, we took him to Applebees and had the wait staff sing to him. He got to watch them sing to another person first, and he clapped through that. When they came to our table, though, he scooted into my lap and looked very serious. I think he enjoyed it, though.

Whew!

Yesterday was exhausting! I'm sure it was much worse for Hazen than for me, but we were all pretty worn out by the end of it.

We had to be back in Bozeman so Hazen could do some psych evaluations and give some background information--it took 5 hours! He now has two large packets that he needs to have returned to the department next week. One needs to be postmarked on Monday or Tuesday, and the other is due back by Friday. He's a little frazzled, but I know he'll get it done just fine. We aren't sure yet when we'll be expected to live in Bozeman, so that's a bit unnerving. I know we'll manage fine regardless of when, but I like to be prepared as well in advance for something as I possibly can be! We are guessing it could be as early as Oct/Nov, or as late as Feb/Mar. Hazen has to go back to Bozeman a few more times between now and then, so we are hoping to get a little more information in the near future.

Of course, I wasn't going to pass up a chance to go to Bozeman. I need to learn my way around there and I'm looking at neighborhoods and figuring out where we want to rent/buy. Ian and I went for a little drive around Belgrade and looked at houses. Hazen and I were deadset again Townhomes, but there are some really reasonably priced ones that offer a LOT of square footage (we're looking at one in particular with 2600 sf for $189,900!). So...in Bozeman/Belgrade, townhomes are an option. The cost of living is a bit higher than in Helena, so we're trying to be practical in our needs and wants as far as that goes.

After Belgrade, it was still too cold for a park (and I couldn't find any anyway!) so we headed to Target. Ian played in the toy aisle for about an hour...tell me I'm not the only parent that will take my child to a retail store to play on a cold day? :) He got to pick out a Thomas the Train DVD, so he was pretty happy with that.

After Target, I decided it was finally warm enough to be outside, so we asked our cashier where a park was. She pointed us towards one that was kind of scary. It was nice and new, but the equipment was made for much older kids. I didn't even stop when I saw it--I could see a trip to the ER coming! So Ian and I drove ALL OVER Bozeman looking for a park. We finally found one near the library, and it was so pretty! It had a lot of equipment, some for the older kids and some for younger kids, and trails all through it, one leading over a stream. Ian played for about an hour, and I talked to a couple of local moms and got some great advice on places to take Ian when we move. They told me about some of the better parks in the area, said the library was big and fantastic, and suggested the Musuem of the Rockies and said if you're going to live in Bozeman, and annual pass is a must (only $60 for a family pass...I think we can swing that!).

When Hazen was FINALLY done, we met up with my sister, Britney, and her boyfriend, Friis, for lunch at Old Chicago. The food was great and of course the company was better. ;) Britney just moved to Bozeman last week to start her first year at MSU. Hazen really likes to pick on her about breaking up her parties.

When we got home, we ran out to rent a couple of movies and Hazen and I watched "A Few Good Men" after Ian went to bed--great movie! I know it's pretty old, but neither of us had seen it.

All in all, a really good day. :)

So, Bozeman called...

AND HAZEN HAS A CONDITIONAL JOB OFFER!!!!

I cannot believe it--a year of worry and interviews, and now we have a job offer. It's "conditional" because he has to pass his psych evaluation (which he's done twice), and background check (which he has nothing to hide), and get through the academy (which i'm sure won't be too tough for a guy who has been through BMT and a marathon).

GAH!!!!!

Bozeman interview three

Hazen interviewed yesterday, and it went well. He got a lot of really good feedback, and overall he did a really good job. He couldn't get a definitive yes or no yesterday...basically, they're on the fence. His qualifications are great, he answered the questions correctly, he looked good...but there is "something" that is keeping them from hiring him. It basically comes down to the fact that he has spent the last six years working in and with the military. He has never held a job outside of the Air Force--no Taco Bell in high school, no JC Penny's to get through college. He has never worked one on one with the general public, and that is what is holding him back. We didn't expect that his military experience could be both a help and a hinderance!

So, now we wait. His scores have to be added and they need to decide what they want to do. There is no doubt that he can do the job, and probably do it very well, the concern is in how he will relate to people that aren't military. We are supposed to hear on Thursday morning if he gets it, so we will spend the next couple of days relaxing and praying and hoping that this is the end of our waiting.

I'm trying to be good and remember that everything happens for a reason, and if this doesn't work out, there is something better waiting. But I have to say, it is SO HARD to stay positive sometimes. He has been unemployed for a year now (he got paid through September of last year, but hasn't had a job to go through since the beginning of August '08). So it is definitely time.

I think the hardest part is that it is nothing that he's doing wrong. He behaves the way he was trained to behave when he was part of the military. He joined immediately after high school, and that was a HUGE part of him becoming who he is now. How do you offer support to someone who has done nothing to keep himself from getting hired, who has worked his butt off and gone to war TWICE, but has "something" holding him back? What do I say? I prefer problems we can fix...I'm not sure what the fix is for this.

Mmmm...

Just had to say my hubby is the best. He just brought me a mocha from next door. Just the afternoon pick-me-up I needed. Yum!

Fun Friday

I'll start with the kinda fun/kinda not. Due to changes in our payroll reporting, I went from 38 hours of vacation and 35 hours of sick leave to .156 hours of vacation and .05 hours of sick leave. I got to spend the afternoon looking through paystubs and creating a spreadsheet so I could have my hours back. The spreadsheet was fun, honestly. Friday afternoons at work are the absolute pits, so to be able to waste time doing something different...it was good. Of course the problem was resolved without my spreadsheet, but that is okay. I now I have a running tally of all leave earned and taken since I began working here that I plan to keep updated. Apparently you never know when your leave will vanish.

The more fun thing is that it is POURING rain outside. This has been the wettest summer I've ever had to get through. I am a summer girl...give me 90-100 degree days, and I am a happy person. Living in Montana, we get 9 months of snow/winter. I think we've broken 90 less times than I have fingers on one hand this year. It has just been so cold and wet. BUT back to what was fun: here at work we have a top floor landing (I work on the top). Any time there is crazy weather outside, it is guaranteed that the entire building will be out on that landing watching it. Today was no different...I went to the landing twice (I'm as big of a loser as the rest of them, haha!), and each time I was with no less than 12 people. It's fun, though, and another nice way to break up a Friday afternoon!

We've done some reconsidering

For some reason, it has never occurred to us that I could look for a job elsewhere. We've been panicking that if Hazen doesn't start working soon, we won't be able to pay our bills and we're going to run into big problems...to the extent that active duty was back on the table. We've decided he should start looking for law enforcement positions outside of the state, but never considered that I could look at accounting jobs out of the state.

While looking up Las Vegas' Metro police department, I came across three accounting jobs. Even the lowest paying one pays TWICE what I'm making now...which is exactly what Hazen was making in the Air Force while we lived in Vegas. I'm over-qualified and suspect I would fall right in the middle of that job and the highest paying one.

So, the new plan is if Bozeman and Madison County don't work out, the one of us with a degree will start to look outside of the state. I can support us until Hazen can find work with a bigger city department OR until he finishes his bachelor's degree (in about a year) and can join the Air Force as an officer, rather than enlist.

It's a strange thing...this sudden realization that I might be the one making the big bucks has me feeling much more motivated in my current job. I want to finish all my projects so I don't leave them hanging, but I also want to finish them so that I can put all of it on my resume (the big projects right now are the annual report and the procedures manual). I have this sudden burst of energy and motivation that has been lacking for quite awhile. I feel better and like I am a valuable employee.

Don't get me wrong; I want to be home with my son and my future children. But the sacrifices I can make now will benefit our entire family in the future and as long as one of us is home, I feel okay with that. I hate missing my son growing up (sorry, but when you're away for 40 hours a week, you're missing a lot!), but I feel good knowing that he is being raised by a parent and not an over-taxed daycare provider.

Bozeman Part III

Hazen has another interview with Bozeman August 24 at 3pm. He has now ordered a book on acing your oral board, so hopefully there are some great tips in there that will land him a job. This rollercoaster needs to come to a stop!

Tough day

Hazen didn't get the job here in Helena. We are trying to be good little Christians and remember that there is a plan in here that we just can't see yet. There is somewhere else we need to be, and we need to relax and let it happen. It's just very hard when we're both miserable. I want to be home with my son and he wants to be the provider. Our role reversal has been difficult, but we are definitely gaining new respect for each other and what we do!

Applications are in to Bozeman (again), Madison county, Washington, and will soon be submitted to Vegas. I have to let go of my Montana dreams and realize that our family needs to branch out. I want to stay here so badly, but we have to be where the jobs are and it ain't here, unfortunately.

Something has to work out soon...if not, active duty will be the next step. He left the military for a reason, so the thought of going back is very upsetting.

I've been relatively stressfree about all of this, believing things would be fine and all will work out. Today, though, I'm worried. I don't know how much more of this we can handle. :(

Moving some things around!

I've removed all infertility related posts and put them on another blog. There is a lot I would like to say, but don't want to gross anyone out. I figure this way, I can put my nasty infertility stuff in one place and if you want to read it, great! If not, you can easily avoid it. I will go back to putting family/vent related things on this blog, and infertility related things on the other.

The link to that is themakingofnoblebaby2.blogspot.com. I will at some point set it up so that it is linked to this blog. I just don't know how yet!

Crap day

Hazen didn't get the job. Onto Bozeman, Madison County, and Kalispell...and then Washington. Ugh.

Random Wednesday

First of all, my favorite deodorant/antiperspirant (all of which will be referred to as simply “deodorant” from here on out to simplify my life), Secret Platinum, is no longer manufactured. I have no idea why, but it’s gone. It was very seriously the only deodorant that worked for me. I have tried several other brands: regular Secret, whatever the new special Secret is, Dove, Degree…all have failed me. I don’t know if I’m an overly sweaty woman or if my underarms are just picky, but nothing works. I’ve heard if you stop using deodorant for awhile, your skin will adjust and you won’t smell…but I think the sweat would still be an issue. And considering I work in a semi-professional environment, sweatiness is not a good thing. So, I finally bit the bullet and spent the “big bucks” (regularly priced $7.99 on sale for $5.99) on Degree clinical strength. So far, it seems to be working. Granted, this is day only day one, so I can’t say for sure how this will go. Theoretically, you only apply it at night and it should last throughout the next day, even if you shower. I was going to try, but got scared at the last minute this morning and put more on. Hopefully this stuff works. I’m so tired of being smelly. :p

Also, and this is very bad, I am shopping for renter’s insurance today. We have lived in the same place for a year, I’ve been saying for a year I need to do it, and for whatever reason, I haven’t gotten to it. But last night I had a dream that while we were in Great Falls for a weekend (a fairly regular occurrence for us) some meth manufacturers broke in, started a lab, and blew up our house. We came home and were, obviously, very surprised to see that the entire place was completely destroyed. While I realize that the scenario I dreamed is pretty unlikely (we have the Montana Meth Project here, so Meth info is pretty much ingrained in all Montanan’s heads), I also realize that living in a 1973 trailer comes with the risk of fire. Or flooding. Or collapsing. So I finally got the motivation I needed and am waiting for the insurance agent to call me back with our new quote, since we’re just combining it with our auto policy.

Interview is approaching...

Hazen has his interview with the Helena Police Department on Friday. We are very hopeful, but we also know that this economy is unpredictable and he could be against some really tough competition. We know that he has done his absolute best to get on with them, though, so we just need to wait and see what happens. He has interviewed with them before but still had almost 8-9 months in the military, so they were unable to hire him. He has been on ride-alongs and has been in contact with the Captain for the last 2 years (he was a Lieutenant when they started communicating). So yes, we are hopeful.

IF he gets this job, we are considering buying a house. We are a bit up in the air about whether to do it or not. We wanted to pay off our Nissan before buying, but if we buy before November 30th, there is a $8,000 first-time home buyers tax credit; that would pay off the car much more quickly than we would be able to otherwise AND we would be in our own home…it’s tempting. We’re trying to make sure we have everything in order first and that, financially, it’s the best decision. We have been talking to a realtor, and she has been SO helpful. I think she genuinely cares about her clients and it’s not completely about making money.

I’m struggling with the fact that Ian will be going to daycare full-time for awhile. Ian absolutely loves daycare for the few hours he gets to go a week, but it’s very hard for me to put my child in there for 9 hours a day. I’m a very strong believer in why have children if you’re going to give them to someone else to raise? He will have to go while Hazen is in the academy from September-December (yes, I’m being very optimistic!) because I will have to continue working then. However, HPD does 5 days on, 3 days off, so most weeks Ian will only have to be in daycare for 2-4 days, depending on what shift Hazen is on. There will be the occasional week where he will work Mon-Fri, and therefore Ian will have to go all 5 days, but they will be pretty rare. That makes me feel better to know that a parent will be with him for 3-5 days a week most weeks. We are hoping to be able to put the majority of my paychecks in savings so that we can pay off the bulk of our debt (it will be just the Honda after we buy a house…and my student loans, but we’re not overly worried about those) so that once baby #2 finally arrives, I can stay home full or most time. My hope is short-term sacrifice for a long-term gain, and thankfully Ian really does like the opportunity to “play” and be around other kids (I don’t know how he’ll feel about it when it’s 9 hours a day, but we shall see!).

I was debating on when to do my tube removal surgery, but it looks like we will probably go ahead and do it next month (assuming I agree with my doctor’s reasoning for doing it in the first place!). I considered waiting until after the first of the year since if Hazen gets that job, he will be in the academy for three monthsr, meaning there is no chance of pregnancy anyway. Plus Ian needs his umbilical hernia surgery this year as well, so that would be two surgeries and possibly buying a house in a very short span of time. However, Hazen pointed out that I will need to heal afterwards, so it makes more sense to go ahead and do it before he goes to the academy so I can have that time to heal up and we can start to try again when he comes back. We’ve already met our deductible anyway, so we may as well take advantage and get all the surgeries out of the way now.

Now we just need to get through that interview on Friday—any positive thoughts and prayers would be hugely appreciated!

They're Here!

Clover Almarie:
Weight: 5 pounds, 11 ounces
Length: 18 1/2 inches
Time: 3:49 p.m.
Date: Thursday, July 16, 2009



Piper Modjeska:
Weight: 5 pounds, 15 ounces
Length: 19 1/2 inches
Time: 4 36 p.m.
Date: Thursday, July 16, 2009



*All stats were taken from the hospital website. I haven't been able to confirm with their mommy and daddy yet ;)

BABIES TODAY!!!

Tuesday I got a text from Wendy that she was being induced today at 5am! She was 4cm dilated, 100% effaced, and her water was hanging. They are beginning her induction by breaking her water--hopefully that is all she needs!

I am on pins and needles waiting for an update. I am so excited to meet my nieces and for Joe and Wendy to start this new chapter of their lives together. :)

Busy, busy, busy

Life is busy. I am so tired, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day/week/month to finish everything that I need to. Between our infertility appointments, other appointments, appointments with realtors, Hazen’s interviews and ride-alongs, I am literally missing hours of work almost everyday. This week, I had to take a long lunch yesterday and will take another today. Tomorrow I have an appointment at 2 that I may or may not return to work after. We are anxiously awaiting the births of our twin nieces, Clover and Piper, and we are ready to take off as soon as we get the call (they are in Great Falls, 100 miles away). We will likely go to Great Falls this weekend regardless of whether the girls are born because Hazen needs to visit the Homebrew store for corn sugar for his beer (yes, he brews beer now!), and next weekend (though those babies had better be here by then!!) since the State Fair will be in town. Next week is my HSG and an appointment with a realtor (we obviously won’t be buying until Hazen is employed, but we’re trying to get an idea of what is available and what to expect). It’s so exhausting!

And, to top it off, Hazen and I are hoping to run a relay in October from Wolf Creek to Hazen’s mom’s restaurant (it’s about 28 miles). So, since I haven’t run more than a mile in my life, I have to start training for that tonight. I have to run 3 miles/4 days this week…and it increases from there. It will be interesting and hopefully I stick with it! Hazen plans to run/walk with me while pushing the stroller to keep me motivated. I don’t think he’ll be going with me this week, though, since he ran his marathon on Sunday and his poor body needs a break!

My goofy kid

My son did do something hilarious yesterday. He pointed at his boy parts and yelled "McQUEEN!!" (his absolute favorite Pixar character) and laughed hysterically. He did it a few more times, so apparently he has named it "McQueen"...I had no idea what I was getting into when I became the mommy of a boy. ;)

...not sure why I put "boy parts" instead of the proper term. I have no problem saying it in most cases, but for whatever reason, I feel uncomfortable using the correct term in my blog...must be having an off day or something!

Some hopeful news

Helena PD is finally hiring again. It's been over a year since the last time. They are hiring 3 police officers for the September academy. Hazen has his application in...hopefully he gets this one! Helena seems to really like him, so we are really hopeful this time around. He's applied for 11 jobs (8 were police departments) and not gotten any...it would be really nice to change that trend and to get to stay in our town, too!

Small update and my kiddo

First, the unemployment thing worked out. He now has to accept a job that offers 75% of what he was making...which is still more than anything he can find right now. He didn't get paid for a few weeks, but a nice big check came this week. Thank goodness--there were bills coming due and I was getting a little concerned that we would be unable to pay them!

I have to share what my sweet boy did on Tuesday night (okay, some was sweet some was me wanting to rip my hair out). The not sweet--but kind of funny--thing he did was this: he was running around the house in his underwear; this isn't a big deal, but will add to the story later. ;) We have two little girls that live next door, and they spend a lot of time yelling at each other through the fences or staring at each other through Ian's bedroom window (it faces their yard). He was in his room, on his bed, with his curtains ripped open yelling at the little girls next door. No biggie, he does that all the time. I go along with cleaning up when suddenly it goes quiet. I have one of those children where "quiet" is a very scary word. I approach his bedroom and hear the older of the two girls say, very clearly, "I don't think you should be doing that". I'm confused at this point...why can I hear her so well? I walk in, and Ian's window is open and my Cars undie-clad child his STANDING IN HIS WINDOW FRAME. It was cute and funny but also about gave me a heart attack.

Hazen has taped the window up...good baby proofing, I know...so well that even he can't open it. The child has no fear!

The other fun things he did that day were say to me "Bedtime!" then take my hand, lead me into his bedroom, have me get into his bed (he patted his pillow yelling "Here! Here!"), covered me up with a blanket, turned off the light and said "Ni-nights!" and slightly shut the door. I could hear him running down the hall saying "Story" to Hazen and sure enough he returned with his Cars book (if you can't tell, he's a bit of a Cars fan), "read" me two whole pages, then left and shut the door again. It was very sweet. :)

Later, he was threatened with a time-out, and he looked at me and said "Timeout?", grabbed my hand, and led me to his timeout corner, again saying to me "Here, stay here". Then he did his agitated groan (uuuuhh), and left me standing in timeout.

The role playing that he is getting so into these days just cracks me up! He gets smarter and smarter everyday, and it's just so much fun to watch him make connections that he wasn't getting before.

Some more disappointment

Hazen didn't get the job in Bozeman. Again. This one was harder to take than the others--this seemed really promising. I'm so bummed out right now but trying not to let Hazen see it. This situation is so draining, and I just have to remember that he's doing his best. Our economy is just not what it should be, and the jobs aren't available. But it's hard to keep myself (and my mouth!) in check sometimes.

He qualified for the extended unemployment benefits and they sent him a check for last week. But now this week's check is "pending" because he's in school...he wasn't in school for the last benefit week. So now we wait until the over worked UI office can catch up and see that his two online courses are NOT going to prevent him from taking a full-time job. It's always something, huh?

I'd like to end this with something upbeat, but I just really can't think of anything. It's early and I'm tired and depressed. Hopefully in another day or two I'll be back to my cheerful, optimistic self. Today I just feel like curling up in bed and crying, but unfortunately I have to work so that's not going to happen. If I cry at work, I'm coming home...:p

And another test...

We thought Hazen had until October for his unemployment, but apparently that was the end of his claim year. Turns out his last payment was last week...which we discovered when we received a letter saying his claim was expired in place of the check we were expecting this week. HUGE bummer...that is literally half of our income, and neither half is very big...

It looks like he should qualify for extended benefits, which would give us until October. He applied online last night, but because he is in school he might not qualify and has to call. WTF? Someone is unemployed, collecting benefits, and taking courses towards his degree so that he can find a job more easily...and he doesn't qualify? You would think that would be something they would encourage since the sooner he graduates the sooner he can (hopefully) find a job and get off UI benefits. But I guess that makes sense...*eye roll* We've decided if it comes between the two, he'll have to stop school (he's in the first week of classes right now) because we need money to pay our bills. School is important, but it's not paying our rent, you know? What a stupid position to be in.

He has an interview with Bozeman next week, and we're really hopeful for good news from that. The job doesn't start until August/September though, so even if he gets an offer, there are several months until he actually starts working. He also has an interview with Missoula in June.

The nasty letter from UI got us all freaked out and now he's applied to a job with the forest service as well as with a daycare center. The daycare center doesn't pay well at all, but it could be a good deal since he would get some kind of discount for Ian and would also be able to be with Ian all day. It's just frustrating.

My child is screaming, so I guess I should end this. I'm so tired of being stressed!

Learning to leave it up to God

It has been a hard year. A very LONG, hard year. Hazen has been unemployed since October 2008, 7 months now. He had a conditional job offer from Lewis and Clark County in June 2008 that we ended up missing out on due to waiting too long to ship a background packet added to the incompetence of someone in the US Postal Service. We spent some time angry about that, but it’s been a learning experience (background packets/applications are submitted VERY timely!!!) and I’ve learned to view it as it wasn’t meant to be.

The truth is that there have been some hard times in our marriage in the last year. I won’t elaborate because it’s not important, and because every marriage (every relationship, really) has its ups and downs. But the fact of it is that because he’s not working, we’ve come out of it better. It’s one of those instances where it doesn’t make sense when it’s happening, but later you can look back and realize “THIS is why that happened”. We wouldn’t be where we are now if he had gotten that job, and I’m grateful for that. Our marriage was the most important thing at that time and God saw that when we couldn’t.

Because Hazen isn’t working, I have to. We thought when I graduated that me going to work was the right thing, but it’s not. Having one of us home to parent our children is the right thing. But if Hazen had gotten that job, we would have gone straight into being a two income family, which could have been disastrous. We would have bought a house, put the kid in daycare, and gotten ourselves in a situation where me NOT working would not have been an option. But because Hazen is unemployed, we’ve learned to survive on one low paying job and unemployment. We are in a position where I CAN stop working when he gets hired and we CAN make ends meet, all while being good parents to our children. I know us; if that job had worked out, we would be living within our means, but living where we couldn’t lose any of our income. We’re not in that situation now.

It’s been disappointing to miss opportunities, don’t get me wrong. The first interview in Bozeman didn’t go well, and it really bummed Hazen out. I went into that interview 100% sure he would be getting an offer out of it, despite the 60 people that were going for 4 positions. Obviously that didn’t work out and it was upsetting then, but it’s been for the better. I’ve learned nothing is certain and we’ve been able to take the time to continue bettering our relationship and getting a better understanding of each other. It’s been fascinating switching roles and seeing how the other felt—he sees the difficulty in being a stay-at-home parent, and I see the difficulty of working. It’s obviously different in some ways since we tackle our new roles differently, but it has been eye-opening. And again, our marriage is better for it.

The Gallatin County interview, that was a little disappointing. There was 1 opening for the 65 that went up for it. Hazen was #2…he was told if they’d had another opening, it would have been his. It sucked that #2 wasn’t good enough, but in the same sense, his confidence has been improved. He now has applications in to Kalispell, Bozeman , and Missoula , and he will go into all of those interviews knowing that he IS good enough, that he IS what they’re looking for. So even though Gallatin County was a huge let-down as far as not getting the job, it was also a fantastic confidence builder and will give him the edge he needs for one of these other openings (we’re hoping for Bozeman—interview is May 27!).

I guess the reason for all of this is that I’m learning to let stuff go. We can’t control everything, no matter how hard we want to. By going through the difficulties of the last few months, we are going to appreciate when the good stuff comes. I can already appreciate what the hard stuff has done for our marriage and because I can now see that, I can understand that the job and family stuff will get better, too. It’s been enlightening to watch the “master plan” unfold, and there has been very little of it that has been by our choices or wishes…but they’ve turned out better than we had planned or hoped. We don’t have all the answers.

There has been so much that has changed in the year—we were completely stuck on wanting to be in Helena . Now we’ve spent some time in Bozeman and think that may be a better place for our family. If we hadn’t let go and decided to go for other opportunities, we wouldn’t know that. I feel that leaving Helena will be the best for us. We’ve done a lot of growing apart and coming together here; it’s time to move on and get to “real” life now. I think that leaving Helena will be a very cleansing experience for our family. And that’s what’s most important.

Crappy weather/food

Since my non-Montanan friends probably don’t know, we are being POUNDED with snow right now. It is absolutely insane—the roads were worse coming to work this morning than they have, literally, been all year. Roads are being closed all around us to the point that Helena is about secluded. So, silly me, I looked out the window this morning and thought “it doesn’t look too bad”. I didn’t pack a lunch thinking I would come home. I get all the way up the frontage road with no problems. I make it all the way past Custer and Costco with no problems (I realize this means nothing to the non-Helenans, but bear with me). I get up to make my right turn onto Cedar to go to the freeway and…disaster. It is completely backed up and SLICK. I get on the freeway, top out at 30mph, go to exit…only to find two trucks involved in an accident on the left shoulder, a car stalled out in the middle of the street, another car stuck and trying to get hooked up to a pickup to tow it out. It was a HUGE ugly mess, needless to say. Since our Accord is a stick (and as an aside and a brag, it got 36.5mpg last weekend on our Yellowstone trip—woo-hoo!), I was able to alternate pressure between the clutch and gas so I wouldn’t have to actually come to a complete stop. I knew if I did, I would end up like the stalled out/stuck vehicles. That really wouldn’t have been a good start to my day. I was 25 minutes late this morning since my normal 15-20 minute drive took 45.

So, the point of this ramble is I didn’t have lunch and there was NO WAY I was driving back home. We ate a lot of junk last weekend due to being out of town, and I really didn’t want fast food. I did some looking online at nutritional facts, and decided on McDonalds. Yes, I realize that’s fast food. I went with a Classic Grilled Chicken Sandwich with no mayo and a fruit and walnut salad. Total: 580 calories. Not bad for a fast food meal, and low enough that as long as I watch my snacking for the day, I should do fine with sticking to my 1800 total for the day. What pisses me off is that everything has to be made unhealthy. The walnuts in the salad are sugar coated. The yogurt is REALLY sweetened. I despise plain yogurt and was glad to see that it was vanilla, but it was seriously sweet. The sandwich was on a honey wheat bun. Wheat: good. Honey: good. Honey wheat bun + sweetened walnuts + naturally sweet fruit (apples and grapes) + REALLY sweet yogurt = A LOT of sugar in my lunch.

I guess it’s to be expected. It’s fast food, it’s not meant to be good for you. I know most people don’t scour the menu the way I do trying to find something to eat that isn’t going to clog my heart, but it’s frustrating to find something just to discover it’s been needlessly junked up. Plain walnuts are GOOD. Plain yogurt not-so-much, but lightly flavored vanilla yogurt is good. Doesn’t need to taste like ice-cream. Maybe I’m just irritable today…that’s always a possibility. ;)

Job update

I did get my promotion--woo-hoo! My raise was effective April 11, so I won't see a check increase until May, but that's okay! I'm just glad it all went through--phew!

I'm busy all day at work since I'm doing my "new" job and my "old" one until someone new is hired. So there is not much free time for me to blog anymore, unfortunately. I'll try and take a couple of minutes every-so-often.

Easter Weekend

Our Easter weekend has gotten off to a fun and interesting and chaotic start. But I suppose that's life. ;)

Hazen's little brother was over for Spring Break, so we took him to Mount Helena on Saturday for some hiking. We took the 2 mile trail up, and it was tough but a lot of fun. Poor Hazen had Ian in the jogging stroller, which wasn't the most convenient way to go, but it was the only way we had. The scenery at the top was beautiful, and if Ian takes a long nap I will update with photos of the hike.

After the hike, we headed to the park so Ian could actually move around on such a beautiful day (we were in the 60's--it was GORGEOUS!!). Since we'd been out since 9am and it was well after his naptime, Ian actually told me he wanted to go home. He wanted out of the park, and when I picked him up, he rested his head on my shoulder and let me take him to the car--we NEVER make it to the car without a massive fit. He went right to sleep for Hazen when we got home--we wore him out!

After nap, we had dinner and decorated eggs. After Ian realized the dye was not something to drink, he had a blast. He loved just dropping the eggs in and would do his "Woo-hoo!! Yeah!" cheer.

Unfortunately, he ended up getting sick around 11pm. We're not really sure what happened with that, but there was suddenly a horrible scream and when we checked on him he had thrown up all over himself and his bed. He threw up three more times while we were cleaning him up, too. :(

Sunday morning went pretty well. Ian was still not feeling great and had a bit of a fever, so he wasn't quite as excited by his basket as I'd hoped he'd be. We got him a couple of DVDs, some Hot Wheels, a Kite, and a bubble blowing lawn mower. He loves the cars the best--he's been carrying them around.

After we did the basket, Hazen took his brother home while Ian and I hung out on the couch. When Hazen got home, I started our turkey dinner and Hazen put Ian down for a nap. After nap, Ian was doing much better. We had dinner and then since his fever had broken and it was over 60, we went ahead and let him play outside for awhile.

So, overall, it was a great weekend. :)

Earth Hour--TONIGHT!

Earth Hour is a once a year event where people turn off all their lights for an hour. At 8:30 your local time, don't use electricity (or not much). No TV, no lights, no Nintendo--occupy yourself for an hour without our conveniences (yes, this means I'll have to put the computer down).

Link to learn more and register:
www.earthhourUS.org

Exercise

Well, I have decided to get off my lazy bum and work out. I complain about how things look, but I don’t do a stinking thing about it. I can’t complain if I’m not willing to work at it.

So, I got the 30 Day Shred DVD with Jillian Michaels from The Biggest Loser. Let me just say, that thing kicks my butt! It’s a two-minute warm up, followed by three six-minute circuits, and then a two-minute cool down, for a grand total of 22 minutes. Easy right? No, not easy. Not even a little easy. She mentions that you can’t expect to see results in a 20 minute workout if you’re not willing to push hard, and she makes you push. There is even a total of 60 seconds of pushups! PUSHUPS! I don’t do well with pushups, but the incredible thing is I’m already better than before.

Today was only day 2. The original plan was to do it every other day, but I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to do it everyday, or at least most days. I’m also going to run 3-4 times a week. The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure is in Helena in May, and I want to do it. It’s only a 5k…there is no reason I shouldn’t be able to do that in 2 months. If my husband can train for an entire marathon in 4 months, I should be able to do 3 miles, right? ;)

Ian 2 years, 7 months

I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile. My son does things everyday that crack me up, and I’m terrified of the day he doesn’t do them anymore and I forget about them. So I’m going to try hard to regularly write down (type out…whatever) the things he does that I really enjoy.

For example, he loves to talk on the phone. When he wants to say hi, he says over and over again “Eee-hi. Eee-hi”. No idea what the Eee part means, but he always puts that in front of the “hi”. His favorite movies right now are Jurassic Park and The Lost World, and he loves dinosaurs. He “roar!!!”s at things a lot, including the paper mache bear at the library. In fact, Jurassic Park is called “Roar!!”.

Bedtime is a pain. He never goes right to bed. He has figured out his “childproof” doorknob thing, and will sneak out of his bedroom as quietly as he can. His more common escapades include the bathroom to brush his teeth (with my toothbrush) or put on makeup (obviously, with my makeup) or lotion. He also enjoys Hazen’s “weight-room” (or laundry room, but whatever) and will lift the small weights until we catch him. Luckily he likes to leave lights on everywhere, so we can generally figure out he’s escaped pretty quickly.

His bedroom consists of a toddler bed and a glider. The glider is constantly dumped on its side, and the toddler bed has seen better days. He likes to jump on it and say “boing!!”. It’s not made for that kind of abuse, so last Thursday we ordered him a big boy bed—a full-size mattress set. It should be arriving by early next week. He also likes to take his vent out of the floor and leave it in random places (it’s not screwed down). I promise the child used to have furniture, a dresser and a bookcase, to be exact. That was until he pulled the drawers out of the dresser in a way that the tracks broke and the wood cracked, and until he pulled his bookcase over so his head was poking out of the cheap cardboard back. Now his nice furniture (his table and chairs and matching bookcase/storage unit) is in the living room.

He has been counting to 3 for awhile, but on Saturday, March 14, he made it to 4! Today, Monday, March 16, he made it to 6! He also sang me the ABC song completely on his own last night (couldn’t understand all the letters, but the tune was perfect!). I also have a habit of reminding Hazen that he is two, and now when Ian is about to get in trouble he will turn around with his two fingers up and say “two”, like he’s reminding us “Hey guys, I’m only two”. It’s hard to not laugh.

I am setting up a page for Ian at http://www.totspot.com/. It's taking me a little longer to set up than I had planned, but I will post the link once it's ready for viewing, hopefully by the end of the week. :)

Tentatively excited

I’ve probably gotten a promotion. It’s almost 100%, I just have to go through some silly hoops. All my supervisors want me in it, but since it’s a state position it requires me to actually apply and go through the process. We had the option of running the job in an internal ad for a week and allowing others to take a chance at it, or to give me a “temporary promotion” which would cause my pay increase to be delayed 20 days. Since my supervisor doesn’t think anyone in our department is more qualified for it, she thinks the best thing is for us to run the position for a week and have me apply so I can get my raise immediately. It’s scary knowing that theoretically someone else *could* get the job, but it’s very unlikely that will happen since I have my bachelor’s degree in accounting and now have almost 9 months of oil and gas leasing experience (woo-hoo!).

I am very excited. I was getting so discouraged being in the position I’m in (basically data entry) with my expensive education and low pay. Logically I know that it takes time to gain experience and move up, but it’s still disheartening to know you’re worth more and you’re not getting it. This job, even if I’m only in it for a couple of months, will give me the opportunity to do real accounting, something I’ve been wanting to do so badly. It will get me experience in real accounting when/if the time comes to look for employment elsewhere. It will get me the pay raise that we so desperately need right now, and it will put me in a position that feels more “right” for the amount of education that I have. It’s very exciting.

I know my supervisor wouldn’t go the route that requires us to advertise it if she weren’t certain that I am the most qualified. But there is still the tiny bit of doubt that someone else will take it from me—I really hope that is not the case! Since I’m close with the ones hiring I should be fine, but the unknowns are scary!

Acne--ugh!

A lot of my close friends know I have a bit of a problem with adult acne. I really don’t know what happened. It was mild from the time I got married to getting pregnant with Ian. It cleared up almost completely while I was pregnant and breastfeeding, but as soon as we weaned…whew! It is BAD and constant. I am not talking one pimple, I am talking complete breakouts along my jaw/neckline. It’s embarrassing, and painful, and just really irritating.

I made the decision to go see a dermatologist. But after reading some ambiguous language in my insurance coverage, I decided to try one more thing—Proactiv. I’ve been using it for almost a month, and things really seem to be improving. I plan to finish up the supply I have before I make any final decisions on whether it’s worth it or not. I have had experiences with other products (Neutrogena, AcneFree, AcneFree Severe) where they begin to work for awhile, and then seemingly stop. If this fails, I will be making an appointment for a derm, ambiguous language or not. This acne cannot continue.

Confessions of a Working Mom

I suck at it. I mean, really, I am no good. Don’t get me wrong, I try to be good at both (working and being a mom) but there are just not enough hours in the day for me to feel good about the effort I put into either. And if I have a good “work day” or “mom day”, I can guarantee the other didn’t go so well.

My personality is a hindrance, I’ve decided. I have this horrible need to be fantastic at everything I do, so I put too much pressure on myself. I force myself to be this happy, well-organized, speedy employee. And I am all of those. But then I also force myself to be the one with the clean house, with the well-behaved child, with the smart child, with the well-adjusted child, who sends the Christmas cards, that handles the household catastrophes, that makes sure meals are prepared, groceries are shopped for, etc, etc. I am quickly learning it’s not possible to do everything. And then the things I allow myself to get “lazy” about (updating family with pictures, for example) seem to come back to haunt me...hence the three angry messages I received from my grandmother this weekend regarding pictures I’ve promised to send and never have. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that when I have the 30 minutes available to do it, I would rather do something else…like sleep. Or eat. Or nothing. Sometimes nothing is really good.

The little bit of time I get with my son when I’m home at night is completely ruined by my wishing it was bedtime. I seriously spend the 2 hours I get with him waiting for him to go to sleep—it’s horrible. I’m dead tired by the time I get home and either want to watch some of my shows or just go to bed. I can’t do either with Mr. Crazy running around. And then of course I feel like crap for looking forward to bedtime rather than enjoying the precious few hours I get a day with my son. I try and make up for it on the weekends, of course, but I am not a weekend mom. I spend 5 days a week feeling guilty and like my priorities are “off”, but of course it’s necessary to our family that I work right now. I just didn’t realize how hard it would be to leave him for so many hours a day.

When I found out I got this job, I was so excited. I had just spent 5 years in college working towards this degree, and the first job I interviewed for, I got. It was really thrilling and kind of a boost to think that the time and money spent on the education was worth it. But as my start date got closer and the realization that I wouldn’t be home with my kid every hour anymore, it got less thrilling. Then I started and was busy and learning, and it was exciting again. The days went quickly, and Ian was always so happy to see me when I got home. But now, I’m not busy, I’m not learning, and I’m sitting here counting down the days to when I can be home again. I need some kind of happy medium, and this just isn’t it.

High Fructose Corn Syrup

I have not blogged in a long time. I have a lot to say, but no time to do it. So, it’s been suggested to me (Angelica) that I blog while at work…so being the productive employee I am, I’ve decided to give it a try.

Something that has been on my mind lately: High Fructose Corn Syrup. Is this the most important thing I’ve had on my mind and wanted to write about? No, not really. But it is the thing that I spend a lot of time reading and learning about because I seriously don’t have much else to do in my 8 hour day. So that will be today’s topic.

I’ve found many interesting blogs and articles on the subject, many of which I will link at the end so whoever reads this can do their own research, if they feel so inclined. I think it’s important to get subjective information on any topic rather than just believing everything you see/hear/read. That’s actually a blog for another day, though, considering passing along unfounded information is a huge pet peeve of mine…anyhow…

High Fructose Corn Syrup (or HFCS as I will refer to it from now on) is, I’ve decided, evil. There is absolutely no good that can come from this stuff, and as anti-conspiracy theory as I am, this has impure intentions written all over it. It’s one of those things that is about money for big companies, and screw the health of all those who choose to trust that their food is safe. This stuff is in EVERYTHING. Sometimes as a sugar replacement, sometimes in addition to sugar, and sometimes in things that have absolutely no need for sweetening (such as Saltine Crackers—I kid you not. Check the label). So why is it there? There are a few reasons that I’ve found:

It’s sweet, cheap, and easy to manufacture. Yes, manufacture. Despite what the Corn Refiners Association of America would have you believe (those responsible for the wonderful new ads touting the goodness of HFCS) it is NOT natural. Just because it comes from corn does not mean it’s “natural” or healthy in any sense…it just means it begins as corn, then goes through this extensive manufacturing process. It is Franken-corn (or Franken-sugar? It’s Franken-something…).

It’s used as a preservative. Not much to explain there…it’s all about increasing shelf-life.

This is the most sinister: it’s possibly addictive. I’m not certain on this one, but I’ve read some articles and it makes sense. As humans, we like things that are sweet. We crave it, even if we don’t consider ourselves a “sweets” person. So this sugary sweet junk is laced into all sorts of food we eat (I’ve found statistics that suggest it’s in as much as 80% of foods!) because we like it. And it makes us want more. So we continue to eat…which means we continue to BUY food. Which all goes back to the lining of the pockets of the big corporations, and at what expense? Our waistlines and our health.

So, why is it so bad? Because, despite it’s claims to be “just like sugar” or “almost exactly like sugar” it is not. The composition of the glucose and fructose is different than sugar. Don’t ask me to explain this…I’ve had to read a lot about it and it’s just starting to click. I’m not a scientist, so I’m not going to play one here, but from what I understand, natural sugars and HFCS are broken down differently in our bodies. The HFCS isn’t broken down as easily as sugar, and as a result, more of it is turned directly into fat. I’ve also read some things about it being processed in the liver like alcohol, but I’m not completely sure on this—definitely don’t quote me on it.

Since the introduction of HFCS 30 years ago, obesity has risen steadily alongside its usage. Coincidence? I’m doubtful. The use of processed and fast foods has grown incredibly, and obesity, diabetes, autism, heart disease, etc are all rising right along with it. I don’t think it’s any secret that making your own foods is healthier than buying the jarred/premade/deep fried version, but we are a nation of convenience. And food manufacturers know this.

One of my big diet “secrets” is everything in moderation. I don’t like the idea of dieting, and I don’t like the idea of depriving myself. If I want a cookie, I will eat a cookie. If I want ice-cream, I will eat ice-cream. I just try to do it in a way that I’m not constantly gorging on it. And if I can’t control it, I don’t buy it (I’ve been known to eat an entire box of Oreos in one day…or a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in a sitting). The problem with HFCS is that it’s in EVERYTHING. It has made it’s way into everything that people eat on a normal day—juice, bread, cereal, pasta sauce, fruit cups, “healthy” cereal bars, jam, bbq sauce, etc, etc. So my moderation way of life is very challenging with this stuff—I can’t moderate it. I can’t control how much of it I’m eating because even when I think I’m making healthy food choices, that stuff is making it’s way into my diet, and often in places I don’t expect it to be (like the Saltine Crackers mentioned above).

So how do I deal? I now check the labels of EVERYTHING. I mean literally EVERYTHING. Have I cut HFCS out completely? Not entirely (I have a tub of caramel sauce in my fridge with HFCS as the first ingredient…although I didn’t expect that stuff to be healthy anyway), but we have made some large changes in our house. I can honestly say that less than 10% of what you will find in my house contains it, and it’s probably significantly less than that. We’ve gone to buying organically when we can, checking labels and finding the labels with the healthier alternatives, switched from pancake syrup (which, I’ll have you know, contains no maple whatsoever—it’s purely HFCS, sugar, and water) to organic honey, Yoplait to organic yogurts sweetened with fruit juice, etc. We do have the advantage of being healthier eaters to begin with. We don’t drink pop (often), only 100% juices (rarely), and we try to do our own healthy cooking. So the “transition” hasn’t been as tricky for us as I imagine it would be for a lot of people, but I do think it’s something that can be done for anyone. It just involves a little more diligence when it comes to grocery shopping, a little more planning ahead when it comes to meals, and a little less willingness to put things into our bodies that are toxic (or, at the very least, not proven to be safe).

In the coming weeks, I will continue to blog about food and health related issues. Watch for aspartame (possibly even worse than HFCS!) and sodium nitrites (doing more research on this one…but so far it ain’t pretty). I hope that by doing this I can help not only myself become more educated about our bodies and nutrition, but hopefully help some that might not have known otherwise. And again, I will always back my blogs up with links, both positive and negative on a subject, so that others can do their own research.

http://www.benefits-of-honey.com/health-benefits-of-honey.html

http://blogs.consumerreports.org/health/2008/10/high-fructose-c.html

This is a site by the same people responsible for the "it's good for you ads" the Corn Refiners Association or something. I'm adding it because it's a very biased site since they have something to lose if HFCS goes away, but I'm trying to give all perspectives, so here it is:
http://www.sweetsurprise.com/

Interesting blog:
http://www.thefitshack.com/2007/03/15/what-is-hfcs-and-why-is-it-so-bad-for-my-body/

Article on mercury being found in HFCS:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/26/AR2009012601831.html