Hazen didn't get the job in Bozeman. Again. This one was harder to take than the others--this seemed really promising. I'm so bummed out right now but trying not to let Hazen see it. This situation is so draining, and I just have to remember that he's doing his best. Our economy is just not what it should be, and the jobs aren't available. But it's hard to keep myself (and my mouth!) in check sometimes.
He qualified for the extended unemployment benefits and they sent him a check for last week. But now this week's check is "pending" because he's in school...he wasn't in school for the last benefit week. So now we wait until the over worked UI office can catch up and see that his two online courses are NOT going to prevent him from taking a full-time job. It's always something, huh?
I'd like to end this with something upbeat, but I just really can't think of anything. It's early and I'm tired and depressed. Hopefully in another day or two I'll be back to my cheerful, optimistic self. Today I just feel like curling up in bed and crying, but unfortunately I have to work so that's not going to happen. If I cry at work, I'm coming home...:p
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
And another test...
We thought Hazen had until October for his unemployment, but apparently that was the end of his claim year. Turns out his last payment was last week...which we discovered when we received a letter saying his claim was expired in place of the check we were expecting this week. HUGE bummer...that is literally half of our income, and neither half is very big...
It looks like he should qualify for extended benefits, which would give us until October. He applied online last night, but because he is in school he might not qualify and has to call. WTF? Someone is unemployed, collecting benefits, and taking courses towards his degree so that he can find a job more easily...and he doesn't qualify? You would think that would be something they would encourage since the sooner he graduates the sooner he can (hopefully) find a job and get off UI benefits. But I guess that makes sense...*eye roll* We've decided if it comes between the two, he'll have to stop school (he's in the first week of classes right now) because we need money to pay our bills. School is important, but it's not paying our rent, you know? What a stupid position to be in.
He has an interview with Bozeman next week, and we're really hopeful for good news from that. The job doesn't start until August/September though, so even if he gets an offer, there are several months until he actually starts working. He also has an interview with Missoula in June.
The nasty letter from UI got us all freaked out and now he's applied to a job with the forest service as well as with a daycare center. The daycare center doesn't pay well at all, but it could be a good deal since he would get some kind of discount for Ian and would also be able to be with Ian all day. It's just frustrating.
My child is screaming, so I guess I should end this. I'm so tired of being stressed!
It looks like he should qualify for extended benefits, which would give us until October. He applied online last night, but because he is in school he might not qualify and has to call. WTF? Someone is unemployed, collecting benefits, and taking courses towards his degree so that he can find a job more easily...and he doesn't qualify? You would think that would be something they would encourage since the sooner he graduates the sooner he can (hopefully) find a job and get off UI benefits. But I guess that makes sense...*eye roll* We've decided if it comes between the two, he'll have to stop school (he's in the first week of classes right now) because we need money to pay our bills. School is important, but it's not paying our rent, you know? What a stupid position to be in.
He has an interview with Bozeman next week, and we're really hopeful for good news from that. The job doesn't start until August/September though, so even if he gets an offer, there are several months until he actually starts working. He also has an interview with Missoula in June.
The nasty letter from UI got us all freaked out and now he's applied to a job with the forest service as well as with a daycare center. The daycare center doesn't pay well at all, but it could be a good deal since he would get some kind of discount for Ian and would also be able to be with Ian all day. It's just frustrating.
My child is screaming, so I guess I should end this. I'm so tired of being stressed!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Learning to leave it up to God
It has been a hard year. A very LONG, hard year. Hazen has been unemployed since October 2008, 7 months now. He had a conditional job offer from Lewis and Clark County in June 2008 that we ended up missing out on due to waiting too long to ship a background packet added to the incompetence of someone in the US Postal Service. We spent some time angry about that, but it’s been a learning experience (background packets/applications are submitted VERY timely!!!) and I’ve learned to view it as it wasn’t meant to be.
The truth is that there have been some hard times in our marriage in the last year. I won’t elaborate because it’s not important, and because every marriage (every relationship, really) has its ups and downs. But the fact of it is that because he’s not working, we’ve come out of it better. It’s one of those instances where it doesn’t make sense when it’s happening, but later you can look back and realize “THIS is why that happened”. We wouldn’t be where we are now if he had gotten that job, and I’m grateful for that. Our marriage was the most important thing at that time and God saw that when we couldn’t.
Because Hazen isn’t working, I have to. We thought when I graduated that me going to work was the right thing, but it’s not. Having one of us home to parent our children is the right thing. But if Hazen had gotten that job, we would have gone straight into being a two income family, which could have been disastrous. We would have bought a house, put the kid in daycare, and gotten ourselves in a situation where me NOT working would not have been an option. But because Hazen is unemployed, we’ve learned to survive on one low paying job and unemployment. We are in a position where I CAN stop working when he gets hired and we CAN make ends meet, all while being good parents to our children. I know us; if that job had worked out, we would be living within our means, but living where we couldn’t lose any of our income. We’re not in that situation now.
It’s been disappointing to miss opportunities, don’t get me wrong. The first interview in Bozeman didn’t go well, and it really bummed Hazen out. I went into that interview 100% sure he would be getting an offer out of it, despite the 60 people that were going for 4 positions. Obviously that didn’t work out and it was upsetting then, but it’s been for the better. I’ve learned nothing is certain and we’ve been able to take the time to continue bettering our relationship and getting a better understanding of each other. It’s been fascinating switching roles and seeing how the other felt—he sees the difficulty in being a stay-at-home parent, and I see the difficulty of working. It’s obviously different in some ways since we tackle our new roles differently, but it has been eye-opening. And again, our marriage is better for it.
The Gallatin County interview, that was a little disappointing. There was 1 opening for the 65 that went up for it. Hazen was #2…he was told if they’d had another opening, it would have been his. It sucked that #2 wasn’t good enough, but in the same sense, his confidence has been improved. He now has applications in to Kalispell, Bozeman , and Missoula , and he will go into all of those interviews knowing that he IS good enough, that he IS what they’re looking for. So even though Gallatin County was a huge let-down as far as not getting the job, it was also a fantastic confidence builder and will give him the edge he needs for one of these other openings (we’re hoping for Bozeman—interview is May 27!).
I guess the reason for all of this is that I’m learning to let stuff go. We can’t control everything, no matter how hard we want to. By going through the difficulties of the last few months, we are going to appreciate when the good stuff comes. I can already appreciate what the hard stuff has done for our marriage and because I can now see that, I can understand that the job and family stuff will get better, too. It’s been enlightening to watch the “master plan” unfold, and there has been very little of it that has been by our choices or wishes…but they’ve turned out better than we had planned or hoped. We don’t have all the answers.
There has been so much that has changed in the year—we were completely stuck on wanting to be in Helena . Now we’ve spent some time in Bozeman and think that may be a better place for our family. If we hadn’t let go and decided to go for other opportunities, we wouldn’t know that. I feel that leaving Helena will be the best for us. We’ve done a lot of growing apart and coming together here; it’s time to move on and get to “real” life now. I think that leaving Helena will be a very cleansing experience for our family. And that’s what’s most important.
The truth is that there have been some hard times in our marriage in the last year. I won’t elaborate because it’s not important, and because every marriage (every relationship, really) has its ups and downs. But the fact of it is that because he’s not working, we’ve come out of it better. It’s one of those instances where it doesn’t make sense when it’s happening, but later you can look back and realize “THIS is why that happened”. We wouldn’t be where we are now if he had gotten that job, and I’m grateful for that. Our marriage was the most important thing at that time and God saw that when we couldn’t.
Because Hazen isn’t working, I have to. We thought when I graduated that me going to work was the right thing, but it’s not. Having one of us home to parent our children is the right thing. But if Hazen had gotten that job, we would have gone straight into being a two income family, which could have been disastrous. We would have bought a house, put the kid in daycare, and gotten ourselves in a situation where me NOT working would not have been an option. But because Hazen is unemployed, we’ve learned to survive on one low paying job and unemployment. We are in a position where I CAN stop working when he gets hired and we CAN make ends meet, all while being good parents to our children. I know us; if that job had worked out, we would be living within our means, but living where we couldn’t lose any of our income. We’re not in that situation now.
It’s been disappointing to miss opportunities, don’t get me wrong. The first interview in Bozeman didn’t go well, and it really bummed Hazen out. I went into that interview 100% sure he would be getting an offer out of it, despite the 60 people that were going for 4 positions. Obviously that didn’t work out and it was upsetting then, but it’s been for the better. I’ve learned nothing is certain and we’ve been able to take the time to continue bettering our relationship and getting a better understanding of each other. It’s been fascinating switching roles and seeing how the other felt—he sees the difficulty in being a stay-at-home parent, and I see the difficulty of working. It’s obviously different in some ways since we tackle our new roles differently, but it has been eye-opening. And again, our marriage is better for it.
The Gallatin County interview, that was a little disappointing. There was 1 opening for the 65 that went up for it. Hazen was #2…he was told if they’d had another opening, it would have been his. It sucked that #2 wasn’t good enough, but in the same sense, his confidence has been improved. He now has applications in to Kalispell, Bozeman , and Missoula , and he will go into all of those interviews knowing that he IS good enough, that he IS what they’re looking for. So even though Gallatin County was a huge let-down as far as not getting the job, it was also a fantastic confidence builder and will give him the edge he needs for one of these other openings (we’re hoping for Bozeman—interview is May 27!).
I guess the reason for all of this is that I’m learning to let stuff go. We can’t control everything, no matter how hard we want to. By going through the difficulties of the last few months, we are going to appreciate when the good stuff comes. I can already appreciate what the hard stuff has done for our marriage and because I can now see that, I can understand that the job and family stuff will get better, too. It’s been enlightening to watch the “master plan” unfold, and there has been very little of it that has been by our choices or wishes…but they’ve turned out better than we had planned or hoped. We don’t have all the answers.
There has been so much that has changed in the year—we were completely stuck on wanting to be in Helena . Now we’ve spent some time in Bozeman and think that may be a better place for our family. If we hadn’t let go and decided to go for other opportunities, we wouldn’t know that. I feel that leaving Helena will be the best for us. We’ve done a lot of growing apart and coming together here; it’s time to move on and get to “real” life now. I think that leaving Helena will be a very cleansing experience for our family. And that’s what’s most important.
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