Just some stuff

Sometimes, being pregnant is not what I expected at all. It's getting a little bit annoying to wake up in pain everyday. Today, my legs are completely cramped up. I have some exercises to try that supposedly will help, but it's too hard to stand, which I need to do to do the exercises. I'm pretty sure my problem would be helped if I add a little more potassium to my diet, so I'll need to work on that, but still. It hurts. :( And I'm having more apprehension about Hazen leaving than I have before. I'm so scared of him missing the bonding experience for the first 6 months. I haven't even allowed myself to think he won't be here for the birth. That baby is COMING OUT before August 12, he has no choice. I'm scared that he's going to come back and the baby will cry. I was already feeling overwhelmed at the thought of having a newborn by myself (thank God for my dad, I don't know what I would do without his help), but now I'm scared that when he gets back, I'll still be by myself, if that makes sense. If Ian won't tolerate just being with Hazen, I don't think I could handle that. It would break my heart if Ian cries with Hazen, I don't even want to think about what it would do to Hazen. I'm worried about how he's feeling, because he won't really talk about it. I wonder if he feels guilty or anything that he's going to miss out on some things. It's not his fault--he has to work. This is part of his job, and it's a part of his job I was completely aware of when I married him. We can't change that. Still can't help feeling a little sorry for us sometimes, though. I did find a cute little onesie that I'm going to get for Ian for when we welcome Hazen back. I wish I could remember exactly what it said but it's something to do with Daddy being his hero with a little soldier on it. Very cute. :) A happier thing is that Ian is really active again. So much so, that it almost bugs me sometimes. He'll just relentlessly beat my insides. Last night, I set the tv remote on my belly just to watch him bounce it around. It was really entertaining. :)